He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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