Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
