i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
