He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
