Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
