Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
she looked like the before picture.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
