Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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