Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
