I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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