Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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