You work out of a Hotel?
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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