I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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