your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
