I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Operation Purity has been aborted
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
