Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
