he thought i was a dude.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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