end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
