I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize