we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
