hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
so much tequila, so little girl.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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