I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
