wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
