i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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