I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
