I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My dick has a subreddit
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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