Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
