I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i think i have two assholes
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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