ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
