Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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