I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i came on her dog
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
