Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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