It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
