It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
