i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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