here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Oh god it's open bar.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
