Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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