well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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