Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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