I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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