I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
