Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
