you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
