How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
