What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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