sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
