Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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