another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
