WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
