Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
