Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
