I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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