What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
