according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
