soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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