There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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