dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
