Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize