So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
