Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
