Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It's official drugs can't kill me
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
