WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
