we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
