Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
