I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Are we still banned from the library?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
