Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
