dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The beers last night were like the tears from god
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
