I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
