I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
