I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
