I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
